~Offering~

This song has really been speaking to me. As someone who tends to turn inward when feeling less than joyful I have to remind myself of the process and be welcoming to all of the layers of emotionalism I can go through. The process is a beautiful process that serves to teach us how to love more. Love the moment that you're in like an old friend who is leaving forever. It's taking a part of you with it and depending on the weight of the situation you may not ever be the same. Be wide awake because life and all of its majestic begs you to be---it wants to be appreciated--it calls on us at a constant to remember how beautiful just life, JUST LIFE--not to mention all of the groovy stuff that comes along with it--is. With the always pondering eyes of children, the making of love with a mate of the soul, the rising and setting sun, the stacking of clouds, the blooming of flowers and their perfume, that round full moon, the song of creatures and the hand of a friend....we are being nudged. 

Let it all wake you.

This life and everything painfully beautiful enveloped in it deserves a song and dance of devotion. 

Give it one. Give it your own. 

♥

I feel part of the universe open up to meet me

My emotion so submerged, broken down to kneel in

Once listening, the voices they came

Had to somehow greet myself, read myself

Heard vibrations within my cells, in my cells

Singing, "Ah-la-ah-ah, ah-la-ah-ah"

My love is safe for the universe

See me now, I'm bursting

On one planet, so many turns

Different worlds

Singing, "Ah-la-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah-ah, ah"

Fill my heart with discipline

Put there for the teaching

In my head see clouds of stairs

Help me as I'm reaching

The future's paved with better days

Not running from something

I'm running towards the day

Wide awake

A whisper once quiet

Now rising to a scream

Right in me

I'm falling, free falling

Words calling me

Up off my knees

I'm soaring and, darling,

You'll be the one that I can need

Still be free

Our future's paved with better days 

Eddie Vedder- "Better Days"

Odetta's Tears---part of the very rough rough draft.

I started writing a story 5 years ago. I forgot all about it and found it in my drafts folder this morning... 

Odetta's Tears

We decided to leave early enough to get some shut eye for work the next day.

Believe it or not, Chet's Place serves breakfast, so I had to be there early enough to prepare the kitchen for the morning rush of folks.  I hadn't found a room yet so Odetta told me to crash on her couch. I was much obliged, and quite happy to have found a friend so soon in this town. With R.D. back in Tupelo, or wherever he made himself off to, it gets quite lonely as far as company is concerned.

Odetta's place was located above a mechanic's garage. The outside was a poor site to see, mostly galvanized steel that had rusting rings in various spot. Once we walked through the glass paneled door I discovered Odetta had a true talent for art. The walls were covered with brilliant murals--painted in bright colors that the light of the moon illuminated. I felt lucky to be here. Like I was seeing something no one else had ever seen. She noticed the amazement on my face. "I never really let people up here", she said, shyely. 

"Why not, its beautiful?", I beamed.  The modest Odetta was embarrassed and uncomfortable with my compliments. I noticed she had a banjo sittin in the corner. Without knowing it, I walked over and picked it up. "Do you play", she asks. "A little", I said as I begin to play my amateure version of Orange Blossom Special. Just then Odetta starts belting out the words.."Well look A-yonder comin' comin' on down the track...." Out of sheer shock I stopped playing. It was great. I began to wonder to myself what her story was. There was a pause, I saw it as an opportunity to ask what happened to her. I mean something must have happened. All this talent, and she's more or less stuck in a town that will lead her no where. "So Odetta, where were you headed before you decided to stay here?", I asked. "My cousin lives twenty miles outside of Raleigh and she wanted me to come out and help at the local store she owns. It ain't that far from the city, so I thought I could try to get some gigs at the local clubs." 

"Well what happened?" Persistence was apparent in my questions, and she notices. "Well", she says somewhat agitated, "I think thats a story for another day". Thowing me a quilt, I fold out the beige couch and lay down. I fell asleep that night looking at a painting of a baby with yellow flowers in her hands. She wore a black dress. She was smiling.

We woke to a loud beating on the door the next morning. "What the hell?", Odetta mumbled coming out of her room through the living room past me, to the door. I pick my head up to see who it is knockin' this early.  Opening the door with "G'mornin' Mr. Strictor", Odetta pulls the belt of her robe tighter . "Do you have the rent, Odetta? I've been waiting for you to come by, but its been two weeks now, and I haven't heard from ya." The agitated Mr. Strictor, the apparent Landlord was a short man, though his voice was that of a large man. You'd never guess he was no taller than 5 ft by the way his voice boomed. I began to get my sorts together for the day when I heard Odetta crying. She was telling him that she needed a couple of days more. "Well Odetta", he snapped, "please call me as soon as you have the money for rent." He felt the need to add. "Nobody lives for free ya know." "Okay sir, Thank you." Odetta moused her way into the kitchen and let out a great sighe. Having heard the whole thing, I think about what I could possibly do to help. After all, she has been so kind to me.

"Sorry you had to hear that Shiner", Odetta apologizes. "I've been having a hard time these days, and fell behind on my rent." "How far behind?" I asked. I need fifty dollars to break even, she says. I paused for a moment and said "Well Odetta, instead of me renting a room, how bout I rent that couch from ya? That way, I can have someone to talk to and you can get the money you need a little faster." She smiles hesitantly and says "That seems fine with me, you sure you wouldn't rather have a place to yaself?"  "Yep", says I. "I think you're an alright gal, and I'm sure going to sleep looking at your walls would be far less depressing than looking at the cigarrette stained, soulless walls of any of these hotels."

"Alright, Shiner, if your alright with it, I could sure use the help."                       

And that was that. 




Written by Kelina Nelson 2006

The Rise and Fall

(KN 2012)

WHAT GOES UP MUST COME DOWN.

So take care when you build others up. You're only giving them further to fall. No one is perfect. Eventually we will all take turns in some way or another at disappointing one another. It's only with healthy views and expectations that we keep the disappointment down to a minimum. Be open to forgiveness and more than anything give up some slack. We all need it:)

Falling Apart

Source: KN 2011

Sometimes Things Fall Apart.

Friendships fall apart. Love falls apart. Families, they fall apart too. Is it hopeless when this happens? Was it just how it was supposed to be? I think, regarding interpersonal relationships, just like anything ill-built it needs to fall apart for something good, solid and stable to be built in it's place. Any relationship you may have that falls apart is an example of something poorly built up in the first place. Whether through lies, betrayal, silence or even something as innocent as distance, some things just aren't meant to hold and these are the hints of that. I believe wholly that you have to let it fall apart and scatter just to get to the part where something awesome and stronger rises up. Allow yourself to move with grace through the pain of the moment and onward to the next phase of building. You've learned a lot from that last fall. Though you might still be hurting too much to see it yet. You know what you did last time that engaged the demise. Were you quiet about things that bothered you? Were you afraid of setting boundaries? Did you just not pick up the phone and call, those times you actually did think about it. Did things happen and happen and instead of calmly letting your feelings and thoughts be heard you chose to sever ties? It has to happen, if it happens at all.

After a good fall, when something you've been holding onto has released from your grasp and hit the floor, scattering, I suggest you remain hopeful. Don't get too bummed out. It'll pass. The only conscious part you really have to take in this is the building thereafter. The next time you see a relationship with someone leading a certain direction have the courage to speak up. If it's worth salvaging you have got to speak up. You have got to do your part whether by keeping in touch, setting boundaries or just letting your voice be heard about something, you've got to do it.

You have to save whats worth saving and let go of what isn't. This is your happiness we're talking about, afterall.

Let Down Your Guard

Source: Joy Russi 2011

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be."

                                                                    ~Lao Tzu

I was on a Roller Coaster when I concluded that I am all too guarded. When the coaster climbed upwards I anticipated what was to come. I feared the drop, dreaded it. After the second climb and fall I told myself, I mean, I said it aloud: "Kelina, you just have to let go." And so I did...I became one of those people with arms raised. You know, the raised armed coaster riders you see and probably are yourself. I never was! I thought they were all crazy people. Until Christmas Eve. Then I started thinking about how being guarded and fearful, permeates your life. Always anticipating the next move, afraid of what might happen and if you have a mind like mine all sorts of horrible things can happen. Then you miss out on cool opportunities because ultimately you're a chicken shit. So, really, the only choice here is to let go. Let go and enjoy the ride. Throw your hands up in the air and smile and scream out a "Hell Yeah" because eventually you will die. But not right now. Right now, you're gonna fall and rise and rise and fall and shit will come your way but if you're happy and not big on holding on to negativity then I think, no...no I KNOW you're gonna be just fine.

We're all gonna be ok as long as we want to be ok.
Every single moment gives you an opportunity. You can enjoy it, making the most of it with arms and heart and mind and soul completely open....OR you can clinch up and close up and let is pass you by. And pass you by it will...but not for long...you have a pause to realize what the next opportunity will do for you. It can do so much--no, not just for introverted deep thinkers such as this gal, but for everyone! Get ready to surprise yourself. Once you pass through, unscathed, you'll want more and more and more.

Let down your guard. Let the awesome and amazing happen. Be a Badass.

They have more fun:)

Limitless

You're Only as Limited as You Think (keep telling yourself) You are.

It's a foolish notion to believe that you'll never "be anything" in life. For you already are!! You might not have a ton of money or the guy or gal you specifically thought you'd settle down with or whatever your direct hang-up is...but get over it! Life, is life. You have one and that's something pretty amazing. Yet it's so damn temporary that there just isn't enough time to sit and think about the "lack" for too long. It's time to move on and move up from what you keep learning about yourself and your existence.
You're breathing.
So Far, So Good.
~Onward.

Notes on Elimination Communication

When I first read about EC I was half way through my pregnancy. This being my second child I was aware of the many things I wanted to try that I hadn't before. Immediately, I was fascinated with the idea of a baby's ability to communicate his elimination needs and the parent's ability to respond effectively. My partner and I were already in agreement that I would quit my job and stay home to mother the baby and my oldest. This made the idea of consistency much easier than if I were working.

When our son was born I didn't think about ECing at all. I was just taking it all in. Nursing. Co-Bedding. I started cloth diapering him at a month old. It wasn't until at about 3 or 4 months that I started putting him on the toilet "just to see" what would happen. In many cases nothing would happened or I was just too late getting him there. My mistake in many of these situations was second guessing him.

At just before 5 months we were finally successful. When I say successful I don't just mean I got him on the pot in time. I mean, I understood what he was communicating. I knew he had to go, I didn't second guess, I got him there, cued him on what he was doing and praised him for doing so well. (I even praised myself a little too;)

Since then, we've kept it up with only two "accidents" in his diaper. Needless to say folks, I'm a certified believer. I've become so passionate about this. It definitely carries over into all aspects of my parenting journey. Listening with my heart to the needs of my children is easier than once thought. Putting that ol' Mother's Intuition into play at a constant is completely necessary in the foundation of this journey.

I totally encourage all new and experienced mamas to give it a try!!

Here are some notes on what I've observed to be useful and what I pay attention to:

• Don't second guess---if you think he's/she's about to go make your way to the pot. This will help them establish what they already know: it feels much better to poop or pee in something other than their diaper and on themselves. The key is giving them the option!
• Having a baby bottom sized pot seat is extremely useful/helpful if your baby is already sitting up on their own--but if not it's always easy just to hold them in between your thighs as you yourself sit on the pot.
• Baby wipes in the bathroom are a must!
• Giving cues like poo poo or pee pee will help synchronize with the urges they are feeling thus teaching them what exactly it is they are doing and where they should be doing it.
• Don't forget to praise!! Babies loved to be clapped for and cheered on no matter what they are doing---so feel free to let them know how proud of them you are!!
• And if at first you don't succeed, keep trying. Not giving up is possibly the most important advice I can give.

Developing these habits with your baby creates a sweetly shared bond while breaking out of societal/parenting norms is exactly the medicine needed in building a more progressive society.

No matter where your journey takes you, enjoy the journey and be a part of making the journey for others enjoyable.

With all my love,

♥~This Gal